I can't believe I'm writing this, so here goes (by the way, you probably want to read this fast before I feel bad about it and delete it):
Sometimes, I feel kinda bad about being a social outcast. I mean, I don't know people that well and I have trouble breaking the ice, but I don't get how you finish this conversation:
Me: "Hello, my name is Solal..... (Awkward silence)
Guy I'm trying to make friends with: (Back away slowly)
Can I stop myself from doing it. Yes
Do I stop myself from being weird. No
Because in my eyes, I'm not.
And I envy those people in the Lunch queue who just turn around, talk to random people and become best friends (and beyond) instantly. I find it hard to go beyond my class. And those lunch groups. ARGHHHHHH. I try to join them, but how? Do I just walk up, come up with something amazing to say and just hang out? Because I can never find the right thing to say. And I'm not popular. And people don't take me seriously. Because of my size? No, there are loads of popular shorties. Because of my appearance? No, there are loads of popular uglies (no, I don't mean you). Because of my personality? It seems rational and probably is the reason. But then there are the endless websites that tell you to be yourself and not change your personality. So now what? How do I change the fact that people go "Oh, what's Solal doing here?"to my face? And if they say that to my face, what must they say behind my back?
That's also why I don't really tend to invite people over (yep, the question marks again) What if they don't like the place where I live? What if my family are embarrassing? What if I embarrass myself? And if any of these things happen, then I leave a lasting impression on the person.
But I think the main reason that I'm practically friendless is because it has become 'Uncool' or 'Unpopular' to be friends with Solal. (Yeah guys, I'm not stupid. I do care.) I bring this up because recently, I sat down on a bench with two guys, started a conversation with a pun and got into a lasting chat. Because they didn't know I existed before. Or the sixth graders in my bus. Good friends. Because they don't know about the fact that they shouldn't be friends with me.
And sometimes I get annoyed because I'm sometimes at home when I can imagine others having fun but I have this stuff to do that they don't. So yeah. I've been wanting to write this for ages and haven't brought myself to do it yet. Until now. So if you read this equally unpopular blog, please share this post since its aimed at most of middle school. I don't really know how to finish this off, so I'm going to press the post button now. But then I just ended it, didn't I? Uh, paradox.